A Brave Heart

As I write this, I am listening to my favorite song when I was in Elementary school. It's a really old song, called First Love by Nika Costa. When I listened to that song back then, I wondering if one day I will ever find someone that can make me fall in love just like she describe in her song. The feeling of first love is unforgettable. All you can think is that person, the excitement in life, something you look forward to do. Every now and then I always wanted to feel that feeling over and over again. It's just very relaxing and peaceful to be able to feel that again.

I had struggled a lot for the last couple weeks. I was trying to recognize myself if there is something wrong with me. I was hurt, bitter and unloved. I started being sarcasm with people that say they love me. I was at a point get sick of it. I am so tired to hear that. Then I realized why? The word just a word, it meant nothing. There wasn't an act to it. It just something that people have to say. Words to end a conversation? Words to say because there is nothing to say or because they have to say it?

I kept searching if I can find the justification if that is ok for people just to say it without mean it. Or say it but never act on it. I have no luck to find it. Instead, I found that God told us to love each other, love your neighbor, even love your enemy. Is that possible for you to say I love you to your enemy? I don't think so, the only thing you can show it only by act on it. Acting on something to show them how much you love them. Words come out from the mouth just wasn't enough. I wonder how can you tell someone love you, if she never really do anything for you. I guess it is just like your husband or your boyfriend, they will do anything just to show how much they love you. An act of love.

Do I need extravagant love? A brave heart? A heart that can go through the dimension of love. Just sleeping under my blanket, not to get up in the morning and just dream about it. How fun that could be if I have a day to do it and can be fulfilled by it. ;p

How many women out there actually craving for love? Love that they want more and more and more...a never ending one. Why a lot of people can't understand how important it is to have a relationship? Share they feelings? Is that just me because I don't have family in here and all I can depend on is my friends? Why it is so hard just to spend 2 hours over a coffee one night? A night or two over 365 days? If you say you love them, is that hard to fulfilled? Words can be simple ... Quoting a song from Carol King " Words can hurt you, if you let them, people say them and forget them..." I guess that line of song is totally correct. People can just easily say that and then forget them.

Right now I am taking a big heavy step. A courage to put a step in front of my other feet. I want to have a brave heart. A heart that not just wanting being loved, but giving out my love. Fulfilling my passion that God had put it in my heart so I can love others. By not walking on egg shell anymore, open up a lot of chance for me to serve as myself. I am not worry anymore that I will fall and afraid someone will judge me. Having compassion to others truly help me to see another dimension of love, different side of love itself. It's been a really hard lesson for me to understand, but I think I got it at the end. May be I will try not to complain about it anymore. But I can't promise, I am a human being with feelings after all, and still need that love. But I will not let myself get disappointed with that. I believe that walking with Him, I will find it, someone will come in to my life and make me remember how it is to feel loved.

Arggghhhh...."Tell me Teddy Bear why love is so unfair, will I ever find a way and answered to my prayer?"


" Let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're truly living " ( I John 3:19, The Message )

Sex For Children

Some people laughed at me when I tell them my kids are not allowed to kiss just anyone, specially the opposite sex. They think it's overreact. I was thinking I am may be too crazy, but then I realize I am not and I don't care what people think about me. Almost everyday I see a lot of sexual harassment towards children or sex in the early age or even pornography not only on the news, but it's happening everywhere around the globe. A lot of parents don't teach sex to their children. I don't know why? May be it's too taboo to talk about or they just don't understand that it's important?

My parents never teach me about it at all. In fact if I never lived with my aunt and cousins, I probably have no idea what is period means and what to do. When I lived with my cousins, they got it first so I had an idea what to do. I always dating older guy when I date. First time when they kiss me I was freak out. I have no idea what can make you pregnant. I was wondering if kissing can make me pregnant or not. Since non of my parents tell me about sex, I have no boundaries. I don't know where to stop and how to stop it. I was just confused. And guess what, it's just make myself feel unworthy and shame. I think I don't want that happen to my children. Specially since I know the truth about purity.

How about school? They teach you in biology ( in Asia) about sex, they have 'special' time to teach safe sex in US and giving out condom. Hah! That is approving children to have sex, but choose safer way. Do you really want your kids to learn sex not from you. since you are the best resources. Just yesterday I went to the groceries store at 10pm. I was looking for something in a certain aisle and then I heard a group of male teenagers were arguing about... condom. It breaks my heart deeply. I can not imagine, my son hang in out in the store in weekend with friends looking to buy condom? Ready to have sex with other teenager. I think the thought of it makes me freak out.

" Oo...when the little girl kiss a boy it's so cute"
" They just a kid"
" They still don't know what kiss mean, just like us, we kiss people when we see each other"
" She will be okay"
" Cute..."
" They are just playing around"

I don't care the cute part. But I am thinking, why on earth I let my girls to be kissed by someone else I totally clueless who they are. (Even they are still young). Most of my friends that said that, they don't have a daughter. So it's easy for them to say that. But even if you only have sons, you should tell them about that boundaries.

Here where it starts. I always encourage all my children not to get naked in front of people or around the house. Specially when I have mixed gender in the family. I always encourage Jeremy to close the door when he wants to go pee and put his pants in the toilet. So does Nicole. I always tell them to be shame when they are naked in front of people. Until certain age, I let them have shower with one of us. Just so they learn the different part of body between male and female and that they are understand it well. I also honor them by (trying) not to change their diaper in the public, not let them pee in the bushes, anything that can be expose to the public, I try to avoid it. Jeremy used to have a lot of questions, which is really good. Nicole is still learning and I love it everytime I ask her who can you kiss? She will said no kiss boys, kiss papi, kiss mommy, kiss Jeremy, kiss Daniella. hahahaha....that is the cutest one.

When Jeremy was almost 3 years old, we had a playdate at our house. I babysat our neighbor's girl. They get along well and they were playing mom and dad. The girl was a year older than Jeremy. She tried to kiss him on the lips and I caught it. I asked them why they do it and they said they wanted to do what mommy and daddy is doing. I was shocked and never cross my mind that they will do such things just by watching what the parents do. I think that is where my wake up called was. That night we talked about it and I told her parents too. Just so they know.

Since then I told Jeremy not to kiss a girl and not on their lips. That is for your wife. Of course he got a lot of questions out of it. It's hard to explain it to him, but he will understand it one day at some point. Today, he is able to set up his boundaries about it. At his school there is a girl that love to kiss every boy in her class. As the matter fact she can chase everybody that avoiding her. That's annoyed Jeremy. He always came home and tell me about it. I am glad that he trusted us and tell us what is going on. Including when he has a crushed with a girl. I reminded him not to touch or have affection with that girl. He said why? .... (yup, long explanation!)
He told me once, when they were in the playground one of his friend comment this : I feel like I want to kiss her so bad. (one of his friend has a crush with a girl. It's coming from 5 yrs old boy saying that) Isn't scary?

That is why I start early to put the boundaries to my children. I want them to understand that God created sex for us to enjoy with our spouse, not for any random people that you don't commit to. Parents let's aware of this and let your children stay pure until their marriage, it takes a long road to do it. But when they know that you are there for them and support them, specially when they are struggling with their sexual hormon, they not turning to the wrong people or direction. I know I still have a long way to go until they are teen. My husband and I agreed that he will walk along with our boy and teach him about sex and I will walk along with the girls and tell them about it. I really want them to save their best for their spouse. To prevent growing porn percentage, it's start from your family. Only you can make a difference in your kids life.

Fear

When I spoke with you last, it was the end of many starts, and the beginning of many endings. Before you started holding the pen to the paper, I had thrown away the letter.

I no longer want to hear your empty promises, the words you don't realize hold power over me. Maybe you realized it after all.

Keep your words, and limit your judgement.

I'm breaking free, wasting no more life on nothing, no more peices of me scattered to nowhere. My heart and soul favor life over slowly dying under your communism,

becoming nothing while you offer me apples and wine.

The shade afforded by your trees is thin and full of holes, and if I stay I'll be burned.

Do you know what you do to us?

Let me wake up to what you have done!

I don't accept it anymore- the demeaning, patronizing looks I imagine are coming from every corner where I try to hide.

Do you know Who made me?

Not on a socialist assembly line, but with thought and purpose and for a reason?

With His power I will rise up from here, rising higher than ever before.

He is God, and you are Fear, and I don't want you anymore.

Written by Amy Spicer

Differences are good

Couple of days ago, I finally forced myself to go to a girls night out in a restaurant. This particular restaurant has attract me for quiet sometime, but never get a chance to visit. I even craved to go there when I was pregnant with Daniella. It's a fondue restaurant. Yumm....specially for people that loves chocolate, that's like a heaven.

I was so excited to go there, because I know some of my friends that I haven't seen for weeks will be there. I feel like, this night will be my adult night. Uninterrupted conversation, relaxing night, laughing over silly stories... Fun ...

At the end of the night, as usual, some of us share stories about our kids. Specially when they only couple months apart from mine. I shared what Nicole had been doing. I am so proud of her lately that she finally know her alphabet and the sounds. So she basically ready to read. Yey.... I feel less guilty about it since I am working. I know I work hard for it. I am also moving in to next step teaching her how to write, so we start with all the numbers with straight line. Such as 1,4, and 7. Of course she is proud of herself when she can make her first stroke of 1. ;p
Then I also shared that I am so confused because she still not sure whether she want to use her right or left hand. Her left hand is actually stronger that her right. The first time she picked up the spoon, she used her left hand. She is good in everything by using her left hand or even her foot. Like kicking the ball, holding stuff, or even hitting someone. It's confusing me, since I have to do the opposite way. Well, the bottom line is, Jeremy and Nicole are so different. But I am enjoying their differences. And waiting for Daniella too. It's so fun to watch they personality.

Although they are different, we still have the basic rules in the family that everyone required to follow it. No exception. We put it on a poster board and hang it on the wall. So they can remember. For Nicole we went through point by point about the rules. Here are some of them :
1. Respect Papi and Mommy
2. Do not yell at each other
3. Love your siblings
4. Do not Hit each other
5. No lego on the floor
6. Obey Papi and Mommy
7. Say kind words to each other. Use Please and Thank you
and so on....
That is the basic rules in the house. I taught them to remember this verse : " Children obey your parent, respect your mom and dad " Ephesians 6:1 That is the core principal in our family for the kids.

I can not imagine my kids growing up being disrespectful to their parents. I see A LOT of them. One thing I don't understand is, most parents are ok with that. They are ok being treated with disrespect by their children. We are not trying to be controlling, but I believe that you can give them responsible a little by little according to their age. This is a great example that I ever heard. The parable of your 3 years old asking you if he can drive in the highway and you let him. What would it be? A disaster. It would be like your household being ruled by your children. My kids know the consequences of being disrespectful to us. Treat people like you want to be treated. That is what I always told my son.

I am hoping that a lot of parents will wake up and realize that. We have enough rude people in this world and I hope we are not adding more. I am not bragging about my kids, but we got a lot of compliment from their manner. Just yesterday my sitter emailed me and told me that Jeremy kindly thanked her for dropping him off to the piano lesson. My kids will automatically thank people if they are being helped or served. Teaching them how to say and what to say in different situation is also teach them the manner. I know this is not an easy work to do. It takes a long time to do it and you have to do it over and over again. Until it click in their mind. Until they realized what they are doing. I started really young. As young as Daniella's age. Right now I taught her sign language for thank you, please and many more. One morning, I gave her her bottle and she kindly thanked me with her sign language. It melt my heart. I feel like I'm appreciated. That kind of thing, create a sensitivity to the children. Jeremy can get up early in the morning on Saturday just to prepare breakfast for all of us. That is the way he thanked us for the whole week we are working hard taking care of them, work and clean the house.

All of them are great blessing to me. They are my world. I can't thank God enough for what He has done to our family. He gave us wisdom to raise our kids. As long as we follow and obey Him, there is where the blessing coming. Enjoy His blessing in your life ... ;p

God & Tofu

My mom doesn't like to cook, but she makes the most delish food ever! She shows her love by cooking. She has helpers at home to help her clean the house, but her kitchen is her domain! Don't you ever go in the kichen! When I go home, she goes crazy preparing food that she knows I love. She isn't a touchy person (she is Asian, remember?). She doesn't show her affections with kisses and hugs (except when we were younger). So..when she cooks, I know she is trying to say 'I love you'! Mommy's cooking plays a really important part in our family. Somehow, it brings a sense of home (know what I mean?).

Now that I'm on the other side of the world (seriously, if you look in a globe, you'll see that this is about the furthest I can go from home!), I miss being at home, and of course, I miss mommy's food. I miss Asian food, for that matter. Being in the Faroes means I have very limited access to food I'm used to. (I jumped up and down in the supermarket when I saw that they sold Thai instant noodles!!!). From time to time, I get miserable from missing home..missing my family..and missing my kind of food. I've even cried my heart out! (That freaked my beloved husband quite a bit! He must have thought I'd finally lost my sanity!!! hehe).

A few weeks ago, I couldn't stop thinking about tofu (yeah..yeah..I know..some of you wouldn't even touch tofu with a 50 metres stick!, but for me it's a piece of heaven, ok? ok!), and spring rolls (my mom makes the most delicious spring rolls in the entire planet!!). Before we went to bed, I told the hub that I'd be the happiest girl in the whole world if I could get my hands on tofu, and spring rolls! He just kissed me on the forehead, and said next summer I should visit my parents, and eat all the tofu & spring rolls I want. We both knew there was no chance I could get tofu '& spring rolls here in the Faroes! My in-laws never even heard of tofu! sigh...

The next day, we went grocery shopping. I was walking past the breakfast aisle, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small white box next to the jars of jam. The BIG writing on the box just seemed too familiar, so I turned and looked at it. It said 'TOFU' in big red letters! I couldn't believe my eyes! It couldn't be true!!! I checked the box, turned it around, see what it was made of..soya bean, and water. This must be the real thing!!! I couldn't help but grin till my cheeks hurt!

We then walked over to the meat section, and believe it or not...they sold packages of spring roll wrappers..made in Singapore! Exactly the kind my mom uses for her spring rolls!!! At this point, I was jumping up and down, and squealing like a little girl. I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling that whole day!!!

In the car, the hubster said 'you know..the next time you want something, just tell the Lord. He seems to love to spoil you!'. That is so true! I mean, what are the chances that the supermarket would carry tofu and spring roll wrappers in a country that nobody knew what they were for?? God must have put it there just for me! =)

Isn't it amazing to think that the Lord of Lords loves us so much that even the smallest most ridiculous request is important to Him? Isn't it wonderful that the Creator of the universe loves us so much He is willing to turn the planet upside down to spoil us??? The next time you think that your request is ridiculous, and unimportant, well....think again! You might be surprised! After all, He loves surprises!! =)

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him,

and his righteousness with their children's children.

Psalm 103:17

p.s A couple of weeks after this happened, I mentioned that I'd like to have sushi. Well, what do you know? The next day, the supermarket sold all the stuff I'd need to make sushi (authentic too!!) =) He is full of surprises!!

My lovers..

Last Friday, I decided to prepare an extra special dinner for my husband. It was the weekened, and he had worked hard the whole week, plus I just wanted to spoil him a bit. So, I went about getting everything ready - with a joyful heart, mind you. Everything was going well. I had all the spices I needed, everything's cooking nicely. I then went about to clean the house from top to bottom - by this time, I was a bit tired, and it looked like he'd be home long after dinner was ready. Uh oh...Half way through cleaning, I had to put the potatoes and chicken in the oven to keep them warm. No problemo..but then, as I tried to turn the oven on, the switch came off. It literally came off...with the spring, and everything in it. RATS! Now what do I do?

So..there I was sitting in the middle of the kitchen trying to put the switch back together...The chicken and potatoes were cold by now. ARGH! My frustration grew by the minute. And that stupid switch just woulnd't cooperate! The pail and mop was in the living room, the broom was in the kitchen..I think it was more of a mess then when I first started! and the clock was ticking! I grew so frustrated that I thought of abandoning the whole thing and got some takeaways instead. Before I could even decide, the hubster got back. He was so hungry, I had to serve him the cold chicken and potatoes. I was close to tears now.

He then asked me how my day was. So I ranted off cussing the stupid oven, and blaming him for being home late. He had had a long day. He had to be outside when it was cold with 20 kids who were being kids. Instead of going defensive, he put down his fork and knife, reached for my hand, and pulled me to him. He said he was sorry I had had such a rough day, and that the food was absolutely delish (no, it wasn't! It was cold!). He thanked me for spending time to make such a wonderful dinner (Do I hear a chorus of 'awww'??). I melted in his arms (who wouldn't? Praise God for loving husband!). I felt so much better after that. I felt loved, and appreciated, and loved even more! After dinner, he ordered me to rest while he cleaned the whole mess up (and fix the stupid switch!!). I felt like a princess by now! =D

That night, while thinking of what had happened..I was reminded of Martha. When I read that part of the Bible in the past, it never occured to me that perhaps..just perhaps..Martha had started everything with much joy...She was going to serve the man she adored! But things started to get messy, and the clock was ticking. She got frustrated! She then turned on Mary, and Jesus (of all people)! If only she had helped. If only He had been more sensitive, and told Mary to help!

How many times have I started something with joy, but as soon as things stopped turning the way I wanted them to be, I turned sour. That day, I learned that if I fix my eyes on the One who loves me more than life itself, in every single aspect of my life, I'll feel His arms around me, and guide me all the way. Instead of turning sour, I could turn to the Lover of my soul. The Lord knows we are only human..He knows we fall over and over again..but He is more interested in the fact that we are trying to please & obey Him, and He will put His arms around us and whisper "I'm sorry that was tough...but that was a job well done, my love".

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,

who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame,

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men,

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrew 12 : 2 - 3

God's love letter to women

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.

When I created man, I formed him and breath life into his nostrils.

But you woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man

because your nostrils are too delicate.

I allowed a deep sleep to to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.

From one bone, I fashioned you.

I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you, I modeled you, I created you perfectly and beautifully.

Your characteristics are as the rib: strong, yet delicate and fragile.

You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart.

His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.

The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.
Support man as the ribcage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,

nor were you taken for his head, to be above him.

You were taken from his side, to stand by him and to be held close to his side.

You are My perfect angel… you are My beautiful little girl.

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence,

and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.

Your eyes… don’t change them.

Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer.

Your nose, so perfect in form.

Your hands, so gentle to touch.

I have caressed your face in your deepest sleep.

I have held your heart close to Mine.

Of all that lives and breaths, you are most like Me.

Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely.

He could not see Me or touch Me.
He could only feel Me.

So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me,

I fashioned in you; My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection, and support. You are special because you are an extension of Me.

Man represent My image, woman My emotions.

Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man, treat woman well.

Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.

In hurting her, you hurt Me.

What you do to her, you do to Me.

In crushing her,

you only damage your own heart;

the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father.

Woman, support man.

In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you.

In gentle quietness, show your strength.

In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

"Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man."

Genesis 2 : 22

I read, this poetry a long time ago, when I was in high school. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, and kept it in my journal, but lost it when I was moving around after university. Today, I found it here. I never knew who the writer was, but it looks like the writer is Josh De Gracia of Know God Know Love. Thank you for writing such a beautiful and deep piece, Josh!